I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize