It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
