i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
