Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
