Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
