dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
