You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
