So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
