What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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