if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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