I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
