You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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