I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
