It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
