my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
don't judge my taste in strippers
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
