i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
