guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
