The beer is more important than you right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize