You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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