I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
