it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
