is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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