How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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