I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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