i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
