Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
