I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Moan for me like Helen Keller
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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