Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
