Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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