May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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