Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
