I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
