Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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