if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
