I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
