I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
