My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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