Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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