Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
