At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
