he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
