So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
