Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
