i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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