Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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