wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
