he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
