is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
