She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
