I've blown a few things in my day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
