Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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