they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
