Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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