I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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