so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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