Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
