a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
