The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
