Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
