i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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